come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
