We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
