Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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