Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
