Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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