I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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