He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
