Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
