And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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