I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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