You made me cry and you don't even care
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
