Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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