You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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