Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need a beard to bite.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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