her vagine was all disorganized.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize