Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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