Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
