my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize