Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
