I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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