You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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