Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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