i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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