Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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