I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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