Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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