You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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