is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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