I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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