Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
