I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
