well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
