I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
