We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
