Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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