May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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