If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
