You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're a waste of cheezeits
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
