i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
