It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
