I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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