Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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