I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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