I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
