I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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