Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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