Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
