shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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