I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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