it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
