Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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