Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
