my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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