My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
