Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
