The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
