Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
