You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
