We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
