This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
