You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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