Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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