Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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