i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
