her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
