I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
