i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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