I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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