I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
