At least make sure they are 18
Why
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
