It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
