I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
