after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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