I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
