Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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