Your dad touched me again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
