thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
