I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
