Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
