My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
