my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize