Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
